Love is a Many Splintered Thing

I have some friends whose marriage has come to an end.  Divorce is never fun or easy but it is often for the better.  This marriage has been in trouble for years and it is a wonder to me that it took so long for one of them to realize that it is better to be divorced than to be in a relationship with someone you no longer love or like.  There are so many events that can end a relationship and I know that both partners are usually at fault.  The following is my experience.

Kelly and I were married for 11 years, separated for 1 year and divorced after 12 years.  The end of our marriage was the beginning of both of our lives.  We had grown to dislike each other and were cruel and disrespectful.  What happened?  I can only speak for myself and from my point of view.  Here is my version of the story.

Kelly and I had lived together on and off for about five years before we decided to make our union legal.  I had sworn to myself that I would never get married but I fell into the trap of social norms and the dream of a life-long commitment to one person.  We got married in 1986 and were fairly happy for the first six years.  We had fun together, had sex fairly often and liked each others company.  We did most everything together and took interest in the same activities.  Gradually I grew to dislike doing most of those activities.  Kelly's life is music and we played music together, which I liked for quite a few years. I am a flute player and he plays all things with strings.  We played at a local restaurant with me on flute, recorder, pump organ and various percussion instruments and Kelly on guitar and banjo and both of us doing vocals.  I never was any good on the pump organ and I grew to resent the fact that he didn't understand that I am a flute player and that I didn't like playing keyboards or recorder or percussion.  Kelly is an avid bird watcher and stargazer and we did both activities often.  I grew to dislike birdwatching so quit doing that activity with him.  Once me moved into our house we no longer had the opportunities for stargazing.  You notice that all of the activities we enjoyed were his passions, not mine.  Yes, I was one of those women who basically lived her husbands life.  Ick. 

I truly believe that Kelly was more interested in pleasing other people than in pleasing me.  If his parents said they wanted him to do something, it was done pronto.  If a friend needed him to help them do something, he was right there.  If I asked him to do something I had to wait in line and I was always at the end of a very long line.

Kelly had never been monogamous before we married but I suddenly expected him to be.  If fact, before we married I asked him if he could be monogamous and he said he thought that he could.  Well, I never trusted him around other women and I'm sure he sensed that.  Therefore, when he finally drifted to another woman I was self-justified in my suspicions.  Gads, what an awful way to treat someone.

I stopped enjoying sex, especially with him.  When our relationship first began I was the main initiator of sex.  When I stopped being the initiator our sex life slowed down and as it slowed I enjoyed it less.  Plus, our sex life had become so very boring and predictable.  Current wisdom says that the more sex you have, the more you want to have sex.  I am a firm believer in this, and a shining example.

By the end of our marriage, the end being the last 4 years, I resented Kelly and felt as though I was just a caretaker.  I paid his bills, washed his clothes and cleaned his house (though not that well) while he pursued his passions.  I remember crying most every day the last year we were actually together and sometimes wishing him dead.  I wanted out of the relationship just as badly as he did but I couldn't think of a way to end it.  I think many women do exactly the same thing I did, they drive their spouses into the arms of someone else and then go crazy when it happens.  And I think many men can't fathom living alone so they continue to live with a person they dislike until someone better comes along. 

I drove Kelly into the arms of another woman and then went crazy weirdo on him, but that woman is absolutely perfect for him.  I, on the other hand, love being single and have no interest in living with someone ever again.  I have absolutely no regrets about our marriage or our divorce as both taught me so very much.  I will leave out the crazy weirdo things I did when Kelly finally said the words "I want a divorce" and leave this post with a list of lessons learned.

Lesson number 1:
A successful relationship requires that both partners take an interest in each others activities and passions.

Lesson number 2:
Have respect for your significant other and put his/her needs second only to your own.

Lesson number 3:
Mistrust is a relationship killer.

Lesson number 4:
Keep your sex life active and interesting.

Lesson number 5:
Life is too short to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

Lesson number 6:
Divorce is not the end of the world and can change your life for the better.

Now for my favorite quote about love...

"Love isn't something you feel; it's something you do.  If the person you're with doesn't want it, do yourself a favor and save it for someone who does."

Mastering the Art of Not Cooking

My name is Sarah and I am a food addict.

I just saw "Julie and Julia" and was enthralled and captivated throughout the film.  I then just had to get a wedge of brie and a sourdough baguette.  Unfortunately, when I got to the store there was no brie...just a "triple cream" cheese (oh, too bad) and I had to get the baguette at Atlanta Bread Company.  Oh the trials and tribulations of a foodie living in Northwest Arkansas.

I only wish there were a vegetarian version of "Mastering the Art of French Cooking".  I guess   Deborah Madison's "Greens" cookbook might be a close equivilent but there is no way in hell I am going to take that much time to cook, unless I'm having dinner guests.  Her recipes are enticing and sound delicious but parchament paper is just too much. 


And that is the point of the film and food writers in general.  Too many people are not willing to spend the time it takes to make the creations Mrs. Child wrote about all those years ago even though each recipe may be a masterpiece.  There are so many shortcuts a cook can take these days but it seems that too many cooks think that spending more than fifteen minutes preparing a meal is too time consuming.

I am so lucky to know people who believe in cooking and using fresh ingredients in the preparation of their meals.  I, on the other hand, am the laziest of the lazies and will, more often than not, reach for an Amy's Kitchen frozen entree or get something to go from a favorite restaurant.  Salad greens in a bag?  You bet!  Grated cheese in a ziplock?  Hand it over!  Dressing in a bottle?  Pour it on!  I'm even at the point that a decent a bottle of wine  with a cork instead of a screw top is getting a bit bothersome.

That is why I love having people over for dinner.  I get to churn my creative juices and lose myself in the preparation of a meal that I hope others will enjoy.  I love shopping for and planning a menu, just like Julia Child.  I only wish that someday there will be another like her...someone who loves to create recipes for the sake of eating, not for monetary gain.
Hmmm, Mollie Katzen comes to mind...

Ms. Lazy has finished her Henri Hutin Triple Cream Belletoile cheese with sourdough baguette and martini and was planning on a salad but is too full for anything else, other than a brownie.  Not quite the meal I had envisioned after the movie.  Maybe I should have gone out to eat.

Growing a snout now.

Total Rambling on a Tuesday Morning

This morning I am listening to the rain, eating my yogurt/blueberry/granola mush with the dog and cats on the couch next to me.  What could be better? 

Ever since the spider bite, a brown recluse about two weeks ago, I have been a total slug.  Not that I need much of an excuse to be a slug but the pain from the bite has made it nearly impossible to do any housework besides laundry, dishes and minimal cooking.  Now that I am on the road to recovery I will have to get my ass in gear and clean up this mess.

I had no idea that brown recluse bites were so common.  Every time I tell someone what happened to my arm they relate either their own personal story or one about a friend or family member.  The range of damage from the bites goes from minimal to large holes in the affected area.  Fortunately, I think I will be in the first category as the bruising is shrinking daily and there still is no skin funk.

I am still sleepy even after 3 cups of coffee.  I got more sleep last night than I have since the spider bite and was actually able to sleep on my side for awhile.  I have been sleeping on my couch on my back with my affected arm on a pillow and until this week had to wrap the arm in an icy cold towel just to keep it from throbbing.  I would have to get up every so often to change the towel so I have been sleep deprived for quite some time.  I guess it's all catching up to me now.

Nothing more to report from my neck of the Northwest Arkansas woods.

Hind Sight Looking Forward

While I was driving to town yesterday I began thinking about young women now and all of the fun choices they have.  This made me start feeling a bit nostalgic about my youth and the many paths my life has taken.  I started making a list in my head of all of the things I would have done differently in my youth (or would do now if I were younger) and decided to write them down.


If I knew then what I know now I would have...

• Learned to play the piano
• Said yes to "will you play in our band?"
• Started an all girl band
• Never been a follower
• Stayed independent
• Never gotten married
  
• Never worn a bra
• Stayed a size 10 so I could always wear vintage clothes
• Learned to like sewing
• Worked in a restaurant
  
• Learned how to rollerskate
  
• Been a rollerblade girl
  
• Not wasted time going to college
• Taken a writing class
• Kept a journal

Now that I've made that list I need to take action.  Some are out of reach but others are possible.  The question is, do I have the guts?

Vacuity Is My Middle Name

I admit that I found "vacuity" when I was looking up "nothingness" in the Thesaurus.  I wanted a word that started with an "F" but there seems to be none that conveys my meaning.

Vacuity:

1. Total absence of matter; emptiness.
2. An empty space; a vacuum.
3. Total lack of ideas; emptiness of mind.
4. Absence of meaningful occupation; idleness: "the crew, being patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity" (Washington Irving).
5. The quality or fact of being devoid of something specified: a vacuity of taste; a vacuity of emotions.

That is how my brain is right now.  Work was so utterly boring today that I thought I was going to lose my mind.  We are usually very busy this time of year and especially on Fridays.  This is not good and does not bode well for my idea of hiring another person.  I need a vacation so very badly but feel nothing but guilt at the thought of taking any significant time off and making Ceci, my co-worker, work open to close for a week or more.  She doesn't care about having to work so many extra hours but that is not the point.  It is mind-boggling to me that my bosses think it is okay for someone to work 10 to 12 hour days for 5 days in a row at any given moment short of a crisis.  I have done it for years and I will not do it ever again.  I don't care if every employee suddenly dies, I will NOT work those hours.  Yup, I've had enough and now that I'm 50 I won't take it anymore.

Okay, food talk.

I love "Brown Cow" label non-fat vanilla yogurt...it is like vanilla cream but guilt free.  I had blueberries, yogurt and granola for breakfast.  Yum!
Dinner was "Amy's" Broccoli Pot Pie with kalamata olives and Stone Mill Bakery french bread.
I will be following that up with Almond Peach Pie from Java-Jacks bakery while watching "Mad Men" season 2/disc 1.


Now, drug talk.


I am on Prednisone and it is supposed to make you hungry, cranky and (some other side-effect I've forgotten).  It has done none of these things.  I think the hunger feeling is just stomach upset that people mistake for hunger.  How would I know if I'm cranky since I'm always a bitch?  Since I can't recall the other thing, then it is meaningless.  So, the next time you need to be on steroids for a short period of time, don't hesitate..it's better than scratching until you bleed!



 

Lunch and a Movie

I had the most wonder lunch at Hammontree's Grilled Cheese  today with my friends Matt and Sheila Ross.  This place has the best sandwich I have ever had, hands down.  I had the Brie's Company which is grilled apple, Brie, Gouda, caramelized onions, and a fig compote on sourdough bread.  Oh my gawd!
Sheila had the Caprese Melt which is fresh Mozzarella, pesto, tomato bruschetta, fresh basil leaf with their house cheese blend on sourdough bread.  Yummy!!
Matt had the El Chupacabre which is Pulled Pork, Queso Fresca, Manchego, poblano peppers, and a green mole sauce served on sourdough bread.  This guy is a major food snob but said it was good and will make a return trip (let me tell you, that's saying something).
Okay, enough about the food already.

After that we went to see "Bruno".  I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.  If you like "in your face irreverence" and "made to shock even the most die-hard" you will love this movie.  The scene at the fight club in Fort Smith, Arkansas made the whole thing worth while.  I can't wait until it comes to DVD to see it again so I can find out what I missed while laughing until I cried.

I'll keep this short and sweet since it's my first post since February, 2008.  A lot has happened since then but my life is still as boring as always so I hope you enjoyed this little slice of my uneventful life.  I'll tell you about the spider bite later.

It's Been a Long Time

It has been seven months since my last post. In that time I have turned 50, had my first period in a year, shortened my hair and gained weight. My accomplishments are mind boggling.

My 50th birthday was loads of fun! Ceci and I went to Tulsa where we met Marcy, Karen, Kim and Lynn at the Embassy Suites for an overnight pajama party. We got to the hotel a little before 3 PM (which is the official check-in time) and our suite was not ready. After being told that it would just be a few minutes we sat in the lobby and chatted. About 15 minutes later I went to the front desk to ask about our room and they said it still wasn't ready. By that time I was getting hungry and asked if they could load our stuff into our room once it was ready while we went to Utica Square to eat an early dinner and shop a bit. We then hit the road and parked our asses in "The Wild Fork" which was a nice place with an outdoor dining patio and ample dining areas inside. We chose to eat indoors and ate and drank and carried on for over an hour. We then walked around Utica Square and shopped a bit and then went back to the hotel.

Our suite was spacious with two bedrooms, a wet bar and a sleeper sofa in the common room. I think we must have had the floor to ourselves as it was very quiet, although we were anything but quiet. We played games and opened birthday gifts and ate more food and drank and laughed and had a fabulous time. The only sour note was that I started my period, which I haven't had since December 2006, and I bled like a stuck pig. Not being prepared for such an onslaught I didn't have enough tampons as I was having to change them about every two hours. Luckily the public restroom in the lobby supplied tampons at no charge so it was okay. I recall that the last time I had that bloody of a period was when I stayed at the hotel in Tucson. Isn't that bazaar?

The next morning we took our time and requested a later check out since we were so late in getting into our room the night before and played a few more games. We then checked out and hit the road for a bit of Sunday Brunch at "The Brasserie". This was a bit more pretentious than the previous restaurant and the food was okay (not great) but the service was impeccable. After that we shopped at Wild Oats Market and then headed our separate ways back home. I was exhausted for the next week. I guess that's what happens when you hit the half century mark!

All-in-all my birthday was a great success and I'm proud to join the fabulous fifties club.

Dining at Home

I thought I'd follow up on my last post and let you know how my Asian Fusion dinner was.

The Szechuan Guacamole was very good. The ingredients were very interesting (toasted sesame oil, soy sauce, chinese five spice, ginger and oriental chile paste) which made the dip spicy and tangy. I served it with rice chips, cauliflower and carrots. I really wanted to have daikon instead of carrots for an all white dipping theme but there was none to be had.

The Szechuan Noodle Salad was good. This was a cold soba noodle salad with a marinade of soy sauce, toasted sesame oil, rice vinegar, ginger and a bit of that oriental chile paste. I was hoping for more of a kick with the chile paste so will definitely add more next time. I julienned a red bell pepper, yellow squash and snow peas which was a great combination and just the right amount of "crunch".

The Asian Fritatta was excellent. I stir fried onions, garlic, asparagus, julienned carrot, shitake mushrooms and mung bean sprouts and added soy sauce. This was placed in a baking dish and then 6 eggs were beaten and poured on top. I also made a sauce of water, soy sauce, toasted sesame oil, sherry and scallions which was thickened with corn starch. I had been hesitating about the sauce but was glad that I made it as it really added a nice touch.

For dessert I made a peach crumble. I got this from the Moosewood Dessert cookbook and the crumble had flour and cornmeal, sugar and butter. I used frozen peaches since they are so much cheaper. The dish was very good but I'll probably use less sugar next time. This was served with vanilla ice cream

After dinner we watched "Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock?", a documentary about a woman who purchased a painting at a thrift store and then spent the next 10 years trying to get it authenticated. This was a very interesting look at the art world.

So the evening was a success and we ate and drank too much but that's okay. The best thing is that I have lots of leftovers!!

Cooking Fool

I love to cook. I love to cook for other people. I love to make salads and casseroles and pasta dishes. I am not a fan of stir frying but will do so if push comes to shove. I really love baking. If you could see my kitchen you would say "how in the hell do you cook in this thing?". My house consists of an upstairs open space and a downstairs open space with a bathroom off the living room and a screened porch. Anyway, my kitchen has a refrigerator, a counter top convection oven, an electric burner that caterers use, a microwave and a toaster oven. I am the queen of single-burner cooking and often make four course meals for my friends with my eclectic collection of appliances.

I love to read. I love to read cookbooks. I have a large selection of vegetarian cookbooks but make only a few dishes from most of them so I have decided to create my own cookbook of favorites and dishes I'd like to try but I get so bogged down in reading the cookbook that I revert to those tried and true recipes. I'm trying to decide how I'd like to arrange the recipes and have decided, for now, that I'll group them by menus instead of by dish type. I just love those cookbooks that have menus. I don't know why since I rarely ever create an entire dinner around the menus.

Now I'll share my very first menu, which I'll be making this Saturday, from my new shiny white cookbook.

• Szechuan Guacamole (surrounded by daikon, cauliflower and rice crackers)
• Cold Szechuan Noodle Salad
• Asian Frittata (this is a baked dish rather than stove-top)
• Peach Crumble with vanilla ice cream

Hungry yet?

Put It On My Tab

I use Yahoo! Mail and they have a nice little service where you can email yourself a reminder AND view your calendar at the bottom of your mail page.

Well, today my mail consists of:
Yahoo! Reminder: SBC due 7/11
Yahoo! Reminder: Target Visa Payment Due 7/11
Yahoo! Reminder: Dell Payment Due 7/10
Yahoo! Reminder: Arkansas.net Auto Debit (that's my online service)
Yahoo! Reminder: Insurance Due 7/11
Yahoo! Reminder: ANB Card Due 7/13

And my calendar of "events" consists of these same bills due.

Jesusfuckingchrist! And that's not counting the electric bill I just paid or the Chase card I just paid! How in the hell did I get myself into this pickle? Thank goodness I don't have a house payment or I'd have to rob a bank! The one good thing about all this is that because of these reminders I am never late on my bills.

The next time I even whisper the words "I want" please slap me up side da head.

Up In Smoke

I've been thinking about fireworks and fireworks vendors lately. The fireworks themselves must be really cheap for these seasonal vendors to make any money. And then they have to sit outside all day and sweat to death. And the plethoria of stands is mind boggling. There are 3 stands from my house to where I work which is only a 15 minute drive on a fairly rural road.

And then there are the people who buy the crap. I just had a client come and and say that her kids had spent 100 bucks on fireworks which went up in smoke in less that an hour. What a waste of money. I just don't get the appeal.

That said, I do enjoy sparklers...no loud noise, nothing unpredictable. Well, I just learned that they are considered one of the more dangerous fireworks because of the heat they produce. Hmph. I used to love black cats but they are too loud now. I never liked bottle rockets or anything that shoots. I know, I'm a weenie but who cares? I'm just glad that fireworks time is only once a year.

Beverly Sills

Beverly Sills died last night and now a bright light is missing from the classical music world. I remember how exciting it was when she became the general director of the New York City Opera, the first woman to hold that position. I used to love seeing her on Carol Burnett.
I'm not a huge fan of Opera but she has always been the definition of the word to me.

Foggy Monday

Monday morning comes way too early for me. My alarm clock starts yakking at 5 AM and I listen to "Morning Edition" for about an hour before I start getting ready for work.

This morning's news was filled with the attempted car bombings in Great Britain and the amount of money raised by Obama and Clinton for their campaigns. The bombing attempts are disturbing but seem to be business as usual in the current world climate. The amount of money being raised for political campaigns is nothing short of obscene. How can candidates raise that much money and then talk about how much they connect with the "little guy"? Something has to change in the world of campaign funding yet it seems that politicians are afraid of any kind of change.

I'm too sleepy and foggy to keep this train of thought so I'd best shut up now.

White Wedding Reception

Northwest Arkansas is a melting pot of upper and lower incomes, Caucasians, Hispanics, Vietnamese, Koreans, and now African-Americans. Yesterday I went to a party with all white honkies in all income levels. There were "business men", millionaires, teachers, financial advisers, newspaper columnists, builders, artists, shoe-shine "boys", factory employees and one lone veterinary receptionist. The amount of badly dyed hair was astounding. I'm sure the dollars spent on cosmetic surgery would have solved our health care crisis. The amount of tequila and other spirits being consumed was, as usual, very high. The occasion? A wedding reception. The bride was on the road to teary eyed inebriation and the groom seemed to be holding his own. What an interesting gathering. The venue was outside of the newlywed's home with food tables in the garage and round dining tables in the driveway. The food was, in typical ozark style, a barbeque with lots of dead animal flesh, overly sweet barbeque beans, velvetta cheesy scalloped potatoes and a fairly good broccoli salad. There were appetizers inside the house and consisted of a cheese ball, cubes of cheese, fruit, crab dip and crackers. The dessert table had punch, a cake and petit fours. This was a true "southern living" style house and party.

Belly Men

Why is it okay for men to wear jeans with a belt with their shirts tucked in and their big bellies hanging over their belts? If I were to dress like that people would look at me and point and laugh (or vomit). I know that people should feel comfortable in their skin but why the double standard? It's the same standard that makes it okay for guys with huge bellies go shirtless in the summer yet fat women are supposed to hide under tent dresses.

I am no skinny girl and feel self conscience in something sleeveless when it's hot but by gawd this year things are gonna change. I am going to let it all hang out and piss on those who think it's disgusting. I'm gonna get form fitting sleeveless dresses and wear them proudly. NOT! But I am going to be cool and comfy this summer and try not to let the stares of others stop me. After all I'm cool, collected and confident and that will always shine through.

NPR Pledge Driving Me Nuts

Hello, my name is Sarah and I am an NPR news junkie. I do not give one dime to my local NPR station because...
I am sick to death of "A Prairie Home Companion", "Whad'Ya Know?", "Calling All Pets", and Classical Music all day long during the week.

Garrison Keillor's show is on twice a week here, as is "Car Talk". I'm not talking about different shows played on different days, I'm talking about friggin' repeats two days in a row. No, I take that back, when the Metropolitan Opera is not playing "Car Talk" is repeated on the same day! Gads!!! The people who call into "Calling All Pets" must NEVER listen to the show because they give the exact same animal behavior advice every week. And "Whad'Ya" is no longer funny, just annoying.

When my local station wakes up and figures out that there are other options for our listening pleasure such as "Talk of the Nation" or "Diane Rehm" of "Afro Pop" or ANYTHING else then maybe I'll cough up some moola but until then I'll dream of Sirius Radio with all of the NPR news shows I love.

American Idolization

I admit I've never seen American Idol and I never intend to but I just don't get it. I don't understand the American public's fascination with reality shows in the first place but watching a bunch of half-assed singers is like fishing for bottom feeders in my opinion. People like Carrie Underwood may be able to sing but they have no taste in music and they end up being clones of other surgically corrected "stars". And the public eats this shit up! No wonder this country is in the crapper right now. These are the same people who voted for Putch and his lackeys.

Which brings me to another point. I have an idea, for the next election let's do an Americon Idol game show. The politicians can appear on tv each week and give long speeches to con the public into voting for them and then we can vote via telephone or internet! There can be a panel that makes snide comments and has their own personal scandals. I think it might work and the voting will be just as fair as the ballot box is since half of those votes aren't counted anyway. Come one, let's get the ball rolling!

Daylight "Savings"

I guess I've had my head in the sand for the past two years because I just found out yesterday that daylight "savings" time is beginning this Sunday. What a crock. I am a morning person so I don't particularly care about having more daylight at the end of my day. Now when I get up for work on my early-to-work days it will be really, really dark and I'll have to use my flashlight to get to my car. Does this save any energy for me? Hell no! In fact, this will use up more battery power so it's a lose-lose situation.

Today on NPR they said that Benjamin Franklin came up with the cockamamie idea but isn't he the same guy who said "early to bed, early to rise..."? In truth, he didn't propose setting clocks differently so that urban legend is false. He proposed (to the French) that they get up earlier so they wouldn't have to burn so many candles in the evening. I guess the French were bitching about how many candles they had to buy in order to stay up so late and how expensive it was.

As far as saving energy goes I think the jury is still out on that one but I'd have to side with the naysayers and agree that the amount of energy saved is nil. I want my mornings well lit by gawd and I wish there was a way to ignore the whole thing without moving to Arizona.

Al Gore and His Environment

I watch the Academy Awards every year. I know, it's a silly show about something normal people shouldn't care about but it's a tradition for me. I don't have television service so I usually watch it on my tv with a rabbit ear antenna so the picture is very fuzzy. This year I was able to go to my bosses house and see it on a huge wide screen tv with satellite which was great!

What does this have to do with Al Gore and the environment? As you must be aware, Mr. Gore made a film last year, "An Inconvenient Truth" (which I have not seen) and it won the award for best documentary at the Oscars. As Al was thanking everyone and attempting to be a comedian I couldn't contain myself and was yelling at the screen "Maybe if you'd stop eating all those cows you could help save the environment!" Gads, he looks like he eats at McDonald's every day! Not that I am some sickly looking skinny vegan but good god!

Then, I hear on NPR a bit about Mr. Gore and his home in Tennessee. You can read it at http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB117271689203622916-lMyQjAxMDE3NzAyMTcwMTE2Wj.htmlwhich is an article in the Wall Street Journal. In a nutshell, Gore spends more on electricity in one month than most of us spend in a year. Come on, if he is gonna talk the talk he needs to walk the walk.
Rant over.

Strangers in the House

So late last night I'm trying to sleep, tossing and turning and punching the pillow and eventually fading into that half-sleep stage. As I drift in and out of sleep I hear the cat food bowls downstairs being knocked around a bit but think nothing of it since Cagney, the orange tabby, has a tendency to play with his food. I finally fall to sleep but awaken after a few minutes with a feeling that something is not right with the world. I decide to open my eyes and turn over to see all five of the cats sitting upstairs like sentinels staring down at the floor below. This is a signal that something is in the house that doesn't belong. I sit up on the edge of the bed, slide my feet into my slippers, turn on the lamp and creep slowly down the stairs. As I look to my left I see a form that is sitting up with its head slumped over. Oh My Gawd! It's the damned raccoon I had seen earlier in the week wandering around in the daylight! This animal didn't look well then and it looks even worse now!
My first reaction is to grab the phone to call someone, anyone to share in my dilemma but I realize it's too late to call even my late night friends. So I say every curse word I can think of and grab the broom and guide the poor raccoon out the front door. He really doesn't want to go out but he sure can't stay!
My next chore is to block the cat door so the cats can't get out and the raccoon can't get in. That done I realize I'm wide awake so I do the dishes then go upstairs and take a bath. I decide it's safe to go back to bed so I turn off the light and lie down and attempt to get back to sleep.
I'd say that about 15 minutes later I hear a cat taking his claw to the front door and making this clicking sound that is the equivilent to Chinese Water Torture which is not conducive to sleep. I then get back up and go downstairs to block the front door off to the cats then go back upstairs and lay back down in hopes of getting some sleep.
No sooner do I close my eyes when I hear a cat clawing the door to the screened porch! I whip the covers off and scream some ear-burning words that send cats scattering to all corners of the house. I stomp downstairs and put chairs, books, tables and various other items in front of the porch door to block it from those goddam cat claws. By this time it's 2 AM so I decide to wash my hair. After that task is complete I lay back down in the hopes that I will at least get some sleep before I have to awaken at 5.
As you can tell there's never a dull moment at my house!